Megalo Maniac (sounding frantic on the phone): Hello? Hello, Haz! Where have you been?! I tried contacting you for so long! Hey, the media has snuffed out that I am in NYC. I am getting panic attacks just thinking how they are gonna chase me all over the city and hound me for photographs now. Gosh, why don’t they ever leave me alone!? Why don’t they ever go after Kate?! Gosh, I am so done with this.
Haz (breathless out of worry): Uh.. what happened? How did the press get to know?
Megalo Maniac: How do I know, you moron? I was just having a chillax time with my pals in a restaurant enjoying the window view and the next thing I know, it is all over the media. I mean, I can’t even enjoy some private time at a public restaurant near a window seat?? Just because I am a member of the Royal Family? Oh gosh, the double standards of this entire world. I am so, so tired Haz.
Haz: Oh, okay, okay, hang on. Calm down. You need to relax.
Megalo Maniac: Yeah, I know. But how do I deal with this entire situation now? I really cannot have the paparazzi hounding me for pics now, just like Mom, you know?
Haz: I know, I can understand. God, the two most important women in my life have to go through the same pain and I cannot even do anything to help you. I am feeling so frustrated.
Megalo Maniac: Don’t worry Haz. May be we can give the paps what they want and they will leave me alone, huh? What say?
Haz: Umm.. like what?
Megalo Maniac: Like, we can organise pap pens so that they get my pics and leave me alone! Just like Papa and Wills and Catz have done it before.
Haz: Oh yeah! That would be a great idea. You know what? This is how you should have actually gone about it since the start of this trip. Not go low-key because there is so much of media interest in my darling, they will always sniff out your whereabouts.
Megalo Maniac: I know right?! I tried to be so low-key! Did you see my pics the other day hiding my face completely under a flat cap and dark clothes? See! I was so low-key! And they keep accusing me of courting attention. They are so wrong about me. Didn’t they see how I was trying to hide myself?! That proves beyond doubt that I am not attention-hungry. Idiots they are! I just don’t get how do they ALWAYS find out where I am.
Haz: I know darling. But be careful now. Now that we have decided to call the paps and organise it for them, we must take care not to look showy. May be you can organise the pens near a side entrance to the hotel.
Megalo Maniac: Are you crazy????? If we are going to do it, then let’s do it in a way that the world sits up and takes notice. Come on! That’s Meghan style. I don’t do Royal. You have heard me say that countless times before. I. Don’t. Do. Royal. I Do Me. Got it?
Haz: Oh God! Yes my Queen. I give up before thee. You are right. Please do it as you please. And be happy. And remember, I love you!
Megalo Maniac: I know silly! I love me too.
Megalo Maniac: Just kidding. I love you too moron!
Chuckles. Laughter. End of phone call.